I love this and it's how I've always felt. I've exploded my life walking away from institutions within which humanity was barely a shiver down the spine, found maverick ways to (sometimes just about) hold body and soul together I'm in my 60s -- it felt like there were cracks in the world that a nonconformist could widen and find joy in -- I'm still doing it because I was able to start decades ago.
But I'm increasingly hearing the whispers of that old bastard fear from younger people. The question of where are the cracks now in this darkening world.
Not a repost to a wonderful, much-needed story, but a rumination on where the young seagulls might find food.
Well, firstly, thanks Jan and I too feel very similar. It's funny how we (used to anyway) talk about democracy and fairness and so on, but workplaces have always been little feudal kingdoms where the moods of individuals in management have always dictated the social environment.
As you say, I think the world is darkening and there is less and less space to express oneself outside of rigid conformist expectations, especially when trying to manage the oncoming debt stream (being in normal contract work). Less and less food for these young seagulls, and frankly, we slightly not young seagulls either ;)
Ahhh! The sweet release from fear’s grip and the ensuing flight. I’m curious, do you think it’s possible for this character to experience a similar, genuine awakening without changing his circumstances? Of course, that would mean remaining under the heel of the bean planters, but I imagine some are unable to leave, whether it’s financial or circumstantial, and I’d love to believe that awakening can happen anywhere, anytime?
What a great question, "I’m curious, do you think it’s possible for this character to experience a similar, genuine awakening without changing his circumstances?"
This is a hard one to tackle. And as we've talked about before, maybe there are no answers to such questions. Maybe just raising the question is enough?
I suppose if I was foolish enough to try and answer I could say there is no choice really, that some people will come to an objective understanding of the world that alters their subjective experience, while others will always be caught up in the theatre, like the tortured "boss" character.
But I guess that's a bit of an evasive answer because your question goes to the heart of the matter, which in some ways is about whether the goal in life, if there were such a thing, might be thinking about whether we should develop coping mechanisms to deal with a sick and broken society, or to change that society so we don't need to develop such robust coping mechanisms in the first place? I suppose your question goes to the hub of thinking about if society can be changed without some awakening, some understanding of how strange and damaging it is? If changeing society was a goal and not just changing oneself.
I suppose I could ask myself, what is the point of "awakening" if there was no intention to change things because of it? Sometimes I wonder if the roles we play in life, especially work roles with their strictly defined parameters and built-in reward systems, I wonder if these roles actually limit the chance of true personal or societal change? Can we even imagine a new self or a new world whilst performing roles that encourage one vision or one relationship with the world? This is what I'm getting at with the boss character, the destruction done to the soul and the psyche by these very roles.
And then I think about your next part of the question, where you rightly say, "I imagine some are unable to leave, whether it’s financial or circumstantial, and I’d love to believe that awakening can happen anywhere, anytime." Me too. Because for so many years that has been me, and it'll certainly be me into the future. I've been financially disciplined like anyone (most people anyway) else. But I do believe one can have an "awakening" whilst still chained to the debt machine. But for me that "awakening" also leads to frustration and a kind of sorrow. For me life is political in the sense that there's structural power dominating our opportunities and experience all the time, especially unnoticed power, which we assume to be just the "way of things." And an awakening for me, that I would like to see, is one that acknowledges the way of things on a mutual and community level as well as on a personal and experiential level.
Which I guess would be a genuine awakening that might lead to a change of circumstances for one and all?
Sorry, for the long winded blather. I'm sitting on a train right now heading to Denmark and I've obviously got far too much time on my hands ;)
Brilliant response Jonathan . Thanks for taking time to reply with such depth. It is always macro/micro isn’t it? As you say, “And an awakening for me, that I would like to see, is one that acknowledges the way of things on a mutual and community level as well as on a personal and experiential level.” And perhaps if we lean into Veronika Bond’s Synchronosophy, then inner and outer aren’t ever solitary events; a shift in one area will inevitably affect another. Though it certainly is hard to see or believe when the power structures are so dominant.
Yeah! A familiar scenario (to me) described with such grace, humour, and precision in this tale. With subtle (or not) nods to Tintin and your namesake J. Livingstone Seagull perhaps?
I love every scene of this piece. The Captain Haddock Platter as the protagonist is preparing to grow his seagull wings is hilarious! And the way he speaks to his bullshitting boss elicits a flare of high-fives ~ because, wouldn't everyone love to do just that, just once?!
But most of all, I love the seagull wings. The seagull as a spirit animal coming to the rescue is perfect for many reasons. And the wings in general... well, that's what often happens when we dare to 'grab our heart with both hands' (as we say in German) and take the necessary leap faith ... as if the spirit animal has been waiting in the wings for this cue...
Thanks Veronika!! And yes, so familiar to me too! The amount of times I've wanted to say/have said, "What the hell are you playing at?" It's never received well. The work/social roles we are forced to adopt seem mostly to reduce our ability for expression outside the role. Such a tragic and mostly under-the-radar phenomena.
I love the expression "grab our heart with both hands." Yes. That's precisely what's needed! And I guess I've always enjoyed Cap Haddock's antiestablishmentarianism, I'm always ready for a Captain Haddock Platter 😂
Ha ha, maybe I should write that too :) Thanks so much for reading and commenting Gabriela, I really appreciate it. Feel free to have a look at some of my other stories ;)
Thought provoking post as always Jonathan. You had me at wastrel, and those familiar misgivings of that character wondering if he was afraid of really trying. We heal ourselves to change the world.
I read a quote from the Nobel Prize-winning chemist Ilya Prigogine, who said, 'when a complex system is far from equilibrium, small islands of coherence in a sea of chaos have the capacity to shift the entire system to a higher order'. I read the Irish Poet in Residence say she likes to think of poetry (& I'll add essays like this! ) as small islands of coherence that not only articulate the world as it is, but have the power to transform it.
I love this idea, Síodhna, of the “islands of coherence in a sea of chaos.” It sounds like community and friendship too, those like-minded and supportive networks that shore up sanity :)
“I’ve thrown thousands of days over my shoulder without even paying attention and wasted my best years …”
People wear their history and they do not always ‘wear it well’ . Maybe there is such a thing as a closet full of personas. Put a new one on in the morning , it drips off by day’s end, like makeup in ruins from sweat. I don’t know why , but I keep coming back to the Silverback.The one and only time I’ve seen one was at a zoo almost 30 years ago. Talk about ‘live your best life’ , he lived his in one of those ‘modern’ zoos, had his own luxurious, huge, glass enclosure with painted cement boulders. He stood on top of the largest one, grabbed a hand full of his own excrement he had on hand , now in hand, just for this occasion. He proceeded to hurl his ammo at the windows ,then pounded his chest, grinding his pearly yellows, tilted his head towards the ceiling , opened his mouth and let rip the loudest, nastiest roar. Ending his performance with a satisfying sneer, as he scanned the room looking at the horrified human faces. “Even though we were all on our best theatricals…”
I smiled at him and left. I remember thinking, that’s right, you tell’m how you feel, well done! Too bad he couldn’t sprout wings and ascend through the ceiling window. You always say it so well, Jonathan, and with heart. My imagination takes flight, though the Silverback is definitely a true story, after all, how could I even make that up. 🦍
"People wear their history and they do not always ‘wear it well’" - That's such a great line, and so true. Maybe there is there is a closet full of personas, sometimes personas that help to navigate the world and sometimes disguises that end up confusing the wearer into wondering who they are?
Zoos, workplaces, these enveloping bubbles that make our choices for us. Not good. I'm with the Silverback. Let's let the bastards know we can't live like this and we shouldn't have to :)
Love your Silverback story Lor, as usual another zinger of a comment! 🙏🏽
Much enjoyed, thank you. When you enter a work organisation that pays you your £££, you can kiss goodbye to your normal human rights. And that was in the 1980s/90s. Hate to think what's it's like now.
I read/heard recently, possibly from of your postings, that the point of life is to die young ... as late as possible. In this respect I took my father's observation to heart ('most men die at 40, and are buried at 70').
Ha ha I love your father's observation, "most men die at 40, and are buried at 70." Brilliant. I refuse! I just goddamn refuse!! And exactly, keep burning like a star Joshua. Thanks for the link pal, I'll check it out :)
One of the best evenings of my life was telling a boss to go fuck himself. He was a misogynist prick. Last time I spoke my truth undiplomatically in a work context my “bosses” (in their dreams!!!) denied me promotion. From my perspective, that was about speaking truth to power about a combination of injustice to the vulnerable and misogyny.
It took a while but I start a new job in a new context, complete with promotion, on Tuesday. My interview panel told me they were unanimous in wanting me and included some of the group I’d previously defended. My Dad always used to say, “Don’t let the bastards grind you down” Good advice I’ve passed on. I may be on a windy road but I sleep well. I love both the flying metaphor and the rows of beans!!! Stay wild children. Don’t let the bastards grind you down!!!
Love the "go fuck yourself" too :) It's wonderful when false enforced social relations come crashing to the ground in the delivery on one simple sentence! A beautiful Emperors New Clothes moment - Hey Boss man, you're naked!
I hope you get inspired on your train ride. So many stories within those walls just waiting to be told . Staring out the window watching the world flashing by in time lapse, ephemeral, almost dizzying. The train slows just long enough to be lost in a scene, gathering words, then speeds up and rips you away, only to be left staring at your own reflection.
I love this and it's how I've always felt. I've exploded my life walking away from institutions within which humanity was barely a shiver down the spine, found maverick ways to (sometimes just about) hold body and soul together I'm in my 60s -- it felt like there were cracks in the world that a nonconformist could widen and find joy in -- I'm still doing it because I was able to start decades ago.
But I'm increasingly hearing the whispers of that old bastard fear from younger people. The question of where are the cracks now in this darkening world.
Not a repost to a wonderful, much-needed story, but a rumination on where the young seagulls might find food.
Well, firstly, thanks Jan and I too feel very similar. It's funny how we (used to anyway) talk about democracy and fairness and so on, but workplaces have always been little feudal kingdoms where the moods of individuals in management have always dictated the social environment.
As you say, I think the world is darkening and there is less and less space to express oneself outside of rigid conformist expectations, especially when trying to manage the oncoming debt stream (being in normal contract work). Less and less food for these young seagulls, and frankly, we slightly not young seagulls either ;)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Jan :)
Absolutely -- I think a seagull take over is long overdue ;)
That last flowing line … its cadence… I don’t quite know what to call it. But the feeling is like finding something I didn’t know I was looking for.
Someone once said to me, "You don't have to do anything, just stop doing everything you think you're doing." I've always enjoyed that idea :)
Cheers, Eric :)
I, too, love the last line.
Thanks Shaista :)
Ahhh! The sweet release from fear’s grip and the ensuing flight. I’m curious, do you think it’s possible for this character to experience a similar, genuine awakening without changing his circumstances? Of course, that would mean remaining under the heel of the bean planters, but I imagine some are unable to leave, whether it’s financial or circumstantial, and I’d love to believe that awakening can happen anywhere, anytime?
What a great question, "I’m curious, do you think it’s possible for this character to experience a similar, genuine awakening without changing his circumstances?"
This is a hard one to tackle. And as we've talked about before, maybe there are no answers to such questions. Maybe just raising the question is enough?
I suppose if I was foolish enough to try and answer I could say there is no choice really, that some people will come to an objective understanding of the world that alters their subjective experience, while others will always be caught up in the theatre, like the tortured "boss" character.
But I guess that's a bit of an evasive answer because your question goes to the heart of the matter, which in some ways is about whether the goal in life, if there were such a thing, might be thinking about whether we should develop coping mechanisms to deal with a sick and broken society, or to change that society so we don't need to develop such robust coping mechanisms in the first place? I suppose your question goes to the hub of thinking about if society can be changed without some awakening, some understanding of how strange and damaging it is? If changeing society was a goal and not just changing oneself.
I suppose I could ask myself, what is the point of "awakening" if there was no intention to change things because of it? Sometimes I wonder if the roles we play in life, especially work roles with their strictly defined parameters and built-in reward systems, I wonder if these roles actually limit the chance of true personal or societal change? Can we even imagine a new self or a new world whilst performing roles that encourage one vision or one relationship with the world? This is what I'm getting at with the boss character, the destruction done to the soul and the psyche by these very roles.
And then I think about your next part of the question, where you rightly say, "I imagine some are unable to leave, whether it’s financial or circumstantial, and I’d love to believe that awakening can happen anywhere, anytime." Me too. Because for so many years that has been me, and it'll certainly be me into the future. I've been financially disciplined like anyone (most people anyway) else. But I do believe one can have an "awakening" whilst still chained to the debt machine. But for me that "awakening" also leads to frustration and a kind of sorrow. For me life is political in the sense that there's structural power dominating our opportunities and experience all the time, especially unnoticed power, which we assume to be just the "way of things." And an awakening for me, that I would like to see, is one that acknowledges the way of things on a mutual and community level as well as on a personal and experiential level.
Which I guess would be a genuine awakening that might lead to a change of circumstances for one and all?
Sorry, for the long winded blather. I'm sitting on a train right now heading to Denmark and I've obviously got far too much time on my hands ;)
Brilliant response Jonathan . Thanks for taking time to reply with such depth. It is always macro/micro isn’t it? As you say, “And an awakening for me, that I would like to see, is one that acknowledges the way of things on a mutual and community level as well as on a personal and experiential level.” And perhaps if we lean into Veronika Bond’s Synchronosophy, then inner and outer aren’t ever solitary events; a shift in one area will inevitably affect another. Though it certainly is hard to see or believe when the power structures are so dominant.
Fly high, Jonathan!
I'm about too! How high I get is yet to be discovered :) Thanks Fotini 🙏🏽
Yeah! A familiar scenario (to me) described with such grace, humour, and precision in this tale. With subtle (or not) nods to Tintin and your namesake J. Livingstone Seagull perhaps?
I love every scene of this piece. The Captain Haddock Platter as the protagonist is preparing to grow his seagull wings is hilarious! And the way he speaks to his bullshitting boss elicits a flare of high-fives ~ because, wouldn't everyone love to do just that, just once?!
But most of all, I love the seagull wings. The seagull as a spirit animal coming to the rescue is perfect for many reasons. And the wings in general... well, that's what often happens when we dare to 'grab our heart with both hands' (as we say in German) and take the necessary leap faith ... as if the spirit animal has been waiting in the wings for this cue...
Beautiful 🩵🙏 🪶 🦅
Thanks Veronika!! And yes, so familiar to me too! The amount of times I've wanted to say/have said, "What the hell are you playing at?" It's never received well. The work/social roles we are forced to adopt seem mostly to reduce our ability for expression outside the role. Such a tragic and mostly under-the-radar phenomena.
I love the expression "grab our heart with both hands." Yes. That's precisely what's needed! And I guess I've always enjoyed Cap Haddock's antiestablishmentarianism, I'm always ready for a Captain Haddock Platter 😂
Yeah...
Oh Yeah! 🙏🏽
I would love to read how the other choice would unfold :)
I do like this version a lot though, like just defying the odds and deciding on life, on real living.
Ha ha, maybe I should write that too :) Thanks so much for reading and commenting Gabriela, I really appreciate it. Feel free to have a look at some of my other stories ;)
Definitely, I’ll read more. I hope the algorithm knows now that I’m interested in your work.
That bastard indeed.
I love this, Jonathan. How do we actually start living? What an important question to ponder.
How indeed?, although I reckon you're on the right road, literally and metaphorically, Holly :)
I like the row of beans as the beginning point to all the greed and hoarding. Thanks
Yep, damn bean counters ;)
Thought provoking post as always Jonathan. You had me at wastrel, and those familiar misgivings of that character wondering if he was afraid of really trying. We heal ourselves to change the world.
I read a quote from the Nobel Prize-winning chemist Ilya Prigogine, who said, 'when a complex system is far from equilibrium, small islands of coherence in a sea of chaos have the capacity to shift the entire system to a higher order'. I read the Irish Poet in Residence say she likes to think of poetry (& I'll add essays like this! ) as small islands of coherence that not only articulate the world as it is, but have the power to transform it.
I love this idea, Síodhna, of the “islands of coherence in a sea of chaos.” It sounds like community and friendship too, those like-minded and supportive networks that shore up sanity :)
“I’ve thrown thousands of days over my shoulder without even paying attention and wasted my best years …”
People wear their history and they do not always ‘wear it well’ . Maybe there is such a thing as a closet full of personas. Put a new one on in the morning , it drips off by day’s end, like makeup in ruins from sweat. I don’t know why , but I keep coming back to the Silverback.The one and only time I’ve seen one was at a zoo almost 30 years ago. Talk about ‘live your best life’ , he lived his in one of those ‘modern’ zoos, had his own luxurious, huge, glass enclosure with painted cement boulders. He stood on top of the largest one, grabbed a hand full of his own excrement he had on hand , now in hand, just for this occasion. He proceeded to hurl his ammo at the windows ,then pounded his chest, grinding his pearly yellows, tilted his head towards the ceiling , opened his mouth and let rip the loudest, nastiest roar. Ending his performance with a satisfying sneer, as he scanned the room looking at the horrified human faces. “Even though we were all on our best theatricals…”
I smiled at him and left. I remember thinking, that’s right, you tell’m how you feel, well done! Too bad he couldn’t sprout wings and ascend through the ceiling window. You always say it so well, Jonathan, and with heart. My imagination takes flight, though the Silverback is definitely a true story, after all, how could I even make that up. 🦍
"People wear their history and they do not always ‘wear it well’" - That's such a great line, and so true. Maybe there is there is a closet full of personas, sometimes personas that help to navigate the world and sometimes disguises that end up confusing the wearer into wondering who they are?
Zoos, workplaces, these enveloping bubbles that make our choices for us. Not good. I'm with the Silverback. Let's let the bastards know we can't live like this and we shouldn't have to :)
Love your Silverback story Lor, as usual another zinger of a comment! 🙏🏽
Much enjoyed, thank you. When you enter a work organisation that pays you your £££, you can kiss goodbye to your normal human rights. And that was in the 1980s/90s. Hate to think what's it's like now.
I read/heard recently, possibly from of your postings, that the point of life is to die young ... as late as possible. In this respect I took my father's observation to heart ('most men die at 40, and are buried at 70').
You reminded me that I promised to put wings again back on my angel (30 second pictorial back-story here: https://joshuabondyarnshifting.substack.com/p/yarnshifting-chapter-11)
Ha ha I love your father's observation, "most men die at 40, and are buried at 70." Brilliant. I refuse! I just goddamn refuse!! And exactly, keep burning like a star Joshua. Thanks for the link pal, I'll check it out :)
So glad I found you in Substack. Love your writing/thoughts.
This got me: “My old friend fear. That bastard.”
Will save, reread & share this 👍
I'm so glad too Michaela! Thanks so much for saying so, I really appreciate that :)
“My old friend fear. That bastard.” - Yep, I love that one too.
One of the best evenings of my life was telling a boss to go fuck himself. He was a misogynist prick. Last time I spoke my truth undiplomatically in a work context my “bosses” (in their dreams!!!) denied me promotion. From my perspective, that was about speaking truth to power about a combination of injustice to the vulnerable and misogyny.
It took a while but I start a new job in a new context, complete with promotion, on Tuesday. My interview panel told me they were unanimous in wanting me and included some of the group I’d previously defended. My Dad always used to say, “Don’t let the bastards grind you down” Good advice I’ve passed on. I may be on a windy road but I sleep well. I love both the flying metaphor and the rows of beans!!! Stay wild children. Don’t let the bastards grind you down!!!
Congrats Ali, good news on the job!
Love the "go fuck yourself" too :) It's wonderful when false enforced social relations come crashing to the ground in the delivery on one simple sentence! A beautiful Emperors New Clothes moment - Hey Boss man, you're naked!
Staying wild :)
I hope you get inspired on your train ride. So many stories within those walls just waiting to be told . Staring out the window watching the world flashing by in time lapse, ephemeral, almost dizzying. The train slows just long enough to be lost in a scene, gathering words, then speeds up and rips you away, only to be left staring at your own reflection.